DREAMS of a CLOUD
Peruse the many random ramblings of a writer-in-training as I build stories and develop my craft.
11 January 2023
Serafina narrowed her eyes. “You haven’t told them you’re the prince yet, have you?”
Caspir flinched and collapsed into a nearby chair. “It’s not like I’m trying to hide it. I’ve even told them I’m wealthy, or that I bought this or that. They just… don't believe me.”
I decided to take another look at Ella and Kal, and re-examine the way Kal presents himself to his friends. I realized he doesn’t try to hide it; most of the disconnect comes from the fact that no one expects the prince to hang out with a group of orphans, or pull the kinds of shenanigans he pulls. So I tried rewriting his first viewpoint scene to reflect that.
Prince Caspir Leonard Dutchins IV, fourth child and third son of King Edward and Queen Alisonde, practically danced his way to his older sister Serafina’s room. He gave a quick knock, and as soon as he heard her call “Enter”, he strode in.
Serafina took one look at his goofy grin and went back to fussing with her hair. “She liked it, I take it?”
“Yes she did.” Caspir gave his sister a hug. “Thank you.”
“No big deal; I meant it when I said it didn’t suit me.” She looked up at her brother. “So when do I finally get to meet her?”
“I… don’t know.” Caspir’s face fell. “She finally got the job at the Lester Mansion, and just being there for work almost floored her. Coming here, to the palace? As a guest?” He shook his head. “I’m not sure how they’d react to that, Sera.”
Serafina narrowed her eyes. “You haven’t told them you’re the prince yet, have you?”
Caspir flinched and collapsed into a nearby chair. “It’s not like I’m trying to hide it. I’ve even told them I’m wealthy, or that I bought this or that. They just… don't believe me.” He smiled wryly. “How much harder would it be for them to accept I’m a prince?”
27 October 2022
“Have fun at the big mansion, Cinders?” Hadley sneered.
“Everyone knows she only got the job because she’s Matron’s favorite,” Charlene said.
Ella started to get up and reached for the pin. Before she could grab it, Hadley snatched it away. “Hey, what’s this?”
Hadley passed it to Charlene, who smirked. “This is much to fine for our ash princess. Have you become a thief, too, Ella?”
Ella bit her lower lip. “It was a gift.”
I was actually able to work on the ideas I had with Ella at the orphanage. I also had a better idea of how the timeline fit together, which helped immensely. Also, it was cool writing Ella’s conversations with the matron, as it gave me ideas for things Kal might be doing behind the scenes to help her out, and be less of a “woe is me” entitled rich boy.
Scarlet’s an interesting character, mostly because I don’t know much about her. I’ve waffled on her name (she was going to be Rachel for a while, and it’s possible, though not likely, it will change back), and on her role in the story; I thought of mixing Little Red Riding Hood in with all this, and that would be Scarlet. Seems a bit much, though, so I don’t think I’ll do that.
…ending it with a sour note.
She headed straight for the matron’s office. She rapped the door and announced, “It’s Ella, ma’am. Reporting back from the Lester’s.”
“Enter.”
Ella stepped into the room and stood at attention. Matron Birgit sat ramrod straight behind a large desk, perusing a letter. A pair of small spectacles perched at the end of her nose. She was a thin woman, but stern, like she was made of iron cables. “Was there any trouble?”
“No trouble at all, ma’am.”
“Good.” Without looking up from her letter, she tapped a telegram that sat on the desk. “The Lester’s sent word. Apparently, you did fine work; they may send for you again should the need arise.”
Ella brightened and stood up straighter. Matron Birgit gave her a once-over, noting the smudged soot on her face and clothes, before she went back to her letter. “Get cleaned up before dinner. Can’t have you tracking soot everywhere you go.”
“Yes, ma’am!” Ella bowed and left the office, and her face broke into a wide smile. The Lesters had even sent a telegram to talk about how good a job she’d done!
She was so happy, in fact, that she completely forgot to watch out for Hadley and Charlene. She was completely unprepared when Hadley stepped into the hall and shoved her over. As she fell, the pin from Kal went flying out of her coat pocket.
“Have fun at the big mansion, Cinders?” Hadley sneered.
“Everyone knows she only got the job because she’s Matron’s favorite,” Charlene said.
Ella started to get up and reached for the pin. Before she could grab it, Hadley snatched it away. “Hey, what’s this?”
Hadley passed it to Charlene, who smirked. “This is much to fine for our ash princess. Have you become a thief, too, Ella?”
Ella bit her lower lip. “It was a gift.”
Charlene’s smile turned to a scowl. “Oh, so you just got that boyfriend of yours to steal it instead. Aren’t you lucky?”
“Give it back.” Ella reached to grab it, but Charlene held it out of her reach and tossed it to Hadley. “Better go fetch it, Cinder Ella.”
As Ella turned to Hadley, the larger girl moved to throw the pin again, when another girl came up behind her and snatched it out of her hands. “There you are, Ella.”
Ella’s face lit up. “Scarlet!”
Ella and Kal Next->
26 October 2022
She kept her head low as she slipped inside, other than to make a quick glance around for Hadley and Charlene. Today was a good day, and Ella didn’t figure on ending it with a sour note.
The coast looked clear, though, and she breathed a sigh of relief.
So… I normally start with a ten- to fifteen-minute prep session to plan out what I want to write; how it might tie in with any greater story arcs, or what happens in the scene at the very least. I had an awesome planning session; I finally figured out what I wanted to do with Ella and Kai’s story, and how I wanted to proceed. And then… I got an important phone call, and had to step away to take care of some important business. It was good, and it was all things that needed to be taken care of, however… By the time I got back to writing, I’d fallen completely out of the flow, and nothing I did could get me back into it. So all I had for the day was this.
As she approached the orphanage, Ella admired the pin one last time and giggled to herself, before she slipped it away into one of her pockets. She didn’t know what Matron Birgit might do if she saw it; take it for herself, like as not, or accuse Ella of thievery. Or both. Either way, Ella didn’t want to find out.
She kept her head low as she slipped inside, other than to make a quick glance around for Hadley and Charlene. Today was a good day, and Ella didn’t figure on ending it with a sour note.
The coast looked clear, though, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She darted over to the mess hall, where Scarlet, Ella’s only friend beside Kal, stood by the pot. Must be her turn to serve the soup. Ella took a deep breath and savored the scent; it was a good soup today.
Still, best get things squared away with Matron Birgit first. The happier the matron was, the easier things were for everyone.
3 October 2022
His grin widened and he pushed off the wall to head towards Ella. Just as he reached her, however, an all-too-familiar voice shouted from behind him, “Ah-ha! There you are!”
Casmir’s – Kal’s – face blanched, and Ella gave him a curious look. “Kal, who’s that?”
“Nobody. Let’s go.” He grabbed Ella’s hand and began pulling her in the general direction of the orphanage, trying in vain to pretend he hadn’t heard his sister.
So much of this bothered me, and I’m still figuring out all the different reasons why. Part of it was that this was supposed to be a light-hearted story, and it turned really heavy really fast. Part of it, though, is the way it sheds light on a couple major issues I’d overlooked at first. They’re closely tied together, but it still helps me to look at them separately.
First, Kal seems shallow. Why is he doing this? How is he helping make the world better? I’ve had a lot of thoughts on that and what he could be doing behind the scenes, which has been great. I feel like it’s fleshed him out better as a character, and that happened at all because I recognized the issue here.
Second, no good relationship can survive if it’s built on a lie. That’s obvious when I say it like that, but it does mean I need to rethink how Kal presents himself, who he really is, and what that means for him, for Ella, and for their relationship. The truth will always come out. So the question is, is the “Kal” persona a front? Or the real him? The way it’s written, it’s who he wants to be - not who he is. Which means it’s as much of a front as Aladdin’s “Ali Ababwa” persona, in some ways.
As soon as Caspir made it off the palace grounds, the tension bled out of his shoulders. No more eyes watching his every move, no more judgemental looks hiding behind friendly smiles. He was free to just be Kal.
Kal’s trademark, carefree smile naturally blossomed on his face, and he jauntily strode down the street while he tried to guess where Ella might have been sent today. He kept an eye out for any tempting marks, too; he favored the ones that despite their obvious riches, still somehow managed to spend their life looking like they’d just bitten into a lemon.
Whenever he saw such a person, he would slip by, fingers light as feathers, and relieve them of their wallet or purse. The owners would usually then find them a few hundred feet down the street, divested of coin. After all, it clearly wasn’t making them happy, so it may as well go to someone who would appreciate it, right?
Not that Kal kept any of it. Most of the coin he would plant in the pockets of those who looked like they needed it. Any leftovers he’d give to Ella and the other orphanage children.
Soon, Kal had arrived in the square he’d met Ella in the other day. It seemed as good a place as any to wait for her; if it got late enough, he could just sneak directly into the orphanage instead. He leaned against one of the shopfronts and began flipping one of the coins he’d nicked across his knuckles, back and forth. He thought he saw a flash of red down one of the side streets, but before he could investigate, a familiar, soot-stained girl waved eagerly at him. He was happy to see she was wearing the pin he’d given her.
His grin widened and he pushed off the wall to head towards Ella. Just as he reached her, however, an all-too-familiar voice shouted from behind him, “Ah-ha! There you are!”
Caspir’s – Kal’s – face blanched, and Ella gave him a curious look. “Kal, who’s that?”
“Nobody. Let’s go.” He grabbed Ella’s hand and began pulling her in the general direction of the orphanage, trying in vain to pretend he hadn’t heard his sister.
“Hold it right there!” Serafina rushed forward and grabbed onto his collar,. Kal let out a choked gasp, and Serafina wheezed out, “I finally… caught up to you!... No way I’m letting you go that easily!”
Reluctantly, Kal turned to face his sister. She was wearing a bright red, hooded cloak over a surprisingly simple dress. She still didn’t look like a commoner, but at least she was trying.
“Fine, fine. Hello, dear sister.”
Ella’s eyes nearly bugged out. Sister? She looked at the girl, who was clearly some kind of nobility, then over at Kal, and back to the the girl. The resemblance was undeniable.
A part of Ella was relieved this wasn’t some lover past or present come to accuse Kal of two-timing, but most of her was still in shock. This girl was rich. Kal was her brother. Ergo, Kal was rich. And rich men didn’t marry poor orphans like her.
She reached up and brushed the pin he’d given her, the one that meant so much to her, and wondered if it had actually meant anything to him. She wondered if any of this had meant anything.
Ella looked up at Kal. Was that even his name? “Was any of it real? Or was it all just a game to you?”
Shock and hurt crossed Kal’s face, and Ella fled.
Serafina watched the girl leave, and then caught Caspir’s expression. Well, s***, she thought.
Caspir sank to the ground, and stared less at the cobblestones and more through them into nothingness.
“Aren’t you going to go after her?” Serafina asked.
“What would be the point?” He tipped his head back. “I mean, what if she’s right? These kids, they scrimp and work and save just to get barely enough to eat, while me? Anything I could want at the snap of my fingers.
“And I just couldn’t be happy with that, could I? So I come and pretend I’m one of them. When it’s convenient. I don’t have to live their life, Sera; I can leave whenever I feel like it.”
For a long moment Sera just stared at him. “We’ll get to that later. For now, where did she go?”
“If she didn’t head straight for the orphanage, she’s probably outside the bakery on 9th and Fairhaven. Why?”
“Stay here. Don’t move.” Serafina strode off a few steps, then realized she didn’t know where either of those streets were from here. “Which direction is that?”
Caspir pointed, and Serafina stalked off, the right way this time.
23 September 2022
The party was grand. Jonathan and his bride-to-be were the centerpiece, of course, but the whole royal family was on display for everyone to see; even Caspir was roped into exchanging pleasantries with the well-wishers.
He hated it.
I’d actually been really surprised when Serafina, Kal’s sister, showed up as a character at the end of the previous post. I also wanted to see more of what “Prince Caspir” was like, as opposed to Kal, and I’d ended with a promise of an engagement ceremony at the end of my writing on the 22nd, so I decided to run with that and see where it went.
I think this is the best example of the difference between “gardening” style writing and “architectural”; even though I have plans for the future of this story, I kind of let whatever I thought about happening happen for this scene. Sometimes that helps me generate ideas faster than just sitting and mulling it over. The trick is being willing to throw out a lot of what I write to generate the ideas, and even more importantly knowing what to throw out; I had no idea where I was going, so there winds up being a lot of stuff that distracts from the story that needs to go.
Also, if anyone knows any sort of medieval derogatory slang term for nobility or rich folk, I’d love to hear them. Peacock was what I came up with for now. Or stuffed shirt, but I think that usually means something different.
The party was grand. Jonathan and his bride-to-be were the centerpiece, of course, but the whole royal family was on display for everyone to see; even Caspir was roped into exchanging pleasantries with the well-wishers.
He hated it.
Part of that, he admitted, was because it meant eyes were on him at all times, which kept him from slipping away in the hubbub. But part of it was also how hollow the whole thing felt; a parade of smiles and gifts and well-wishes, and not a one of them felt sincere. Even Jonathan’s dynamic with his fiancee had an air of falseness to it. And maybe it was false; Jonathan was second in line for the throne, and who he married mattered. There was no guarantee either of them had any say in the matter.
The final reason he hated the party, though, was because it left him effectively trapped. This fact was emphasized when his father slapped a hand on his shoulder. “Just look at them. Aren’t they a beautiful pair?”
“They look fake,” Caspir replied flatly.
The king’s face spasmed. “Well, either way, Jonathan is settling down. Speaking of which…”
Caspir rolled his eyes. He could already see where this was going.
His father turned to face him. “When are you going to start searching for a bride, my boy? You’ve either refused or avoided every meeting with every girl that’s been set up for you! Surely at least one of them could spark your interest?”
“I very highly doubt it,” Caspir replied. “The very fact they agreed to yet another dull tea party just to court a prince they’ve never met automatically makes them less interesting.”
Before the king could respond, the queen grabbed onto his arm and intervened. “Now, dear, Serafina’s told me he’s actually already got his eyes on someone. Perhaps we should leave him be for a bit?”
Caspir shot Serafina a cold look.. He couldn’t be sure if she was so busy chatting that she didn’t see him, or if she deliberately ignored him.
Meanwhile, the king exclaimed, “What!? Who?”
“Actually, I was hoping to find that out myself.” The queen offered Caspir that looked gentle on the surface.
With a sigh, Caspir swore he’d make Serafina pay for this. Somehow. “There’s nothing to say. We’re not even officially courting yet.”
The queen’s eyes lit up with her smile, while the king grabbed both of his shoulders. “Wait, who is this girl? It’s not the Duke of Westbury’s daughter, is it!?”
“What? No!” Caspir freed himself from his father’s grasp and straightened his shirt.
The king sighed with relief, then shot the prince a quizzical look. “Then who is it?”
“It doesn’t matter.” Caspir looked aside. “I doubt you’d approve anyway.”
His mother waved his concern away. “We won’t disapprove just because she’s a commoner you met on your ‘adventures’, sweetie.”
Shocked, Caspir snapped his head toward her. The king’s jaw dropped, and he floundered to find something to say.
The queen smacked the king’s shoulder. “Oh, stop it, dear. It’s hardly a surprise, is it? Considering how our Caspir hates all the trappings of nobility.”
After he chewed on that for a moment, the king nodded cautiously. “She’s at least from the kingdom, right?”
Caspir nodded. “Yeah.”
“Well, it’s not the biggest scandal that could happen. In fact, this could even boost your image with the lower class.”
“Exactly, dear.” The queen’s eyes glowed as she turned to Caspir. “So, when can we meet her?”
Caspir felt even more trapped than when the king had first pinned him down. “Wait, wait, wait! Like I said, we’re not even courting yet! Besides, she doesn’t even know I’m a prince yet…”
“Caspir Leonard Dutchins the IV. Are you, in any way, just playing with this girl’s heart?”
When he saw the storms clouding the queen’s face, Caspir began to sweat profusely. “No, of course not! I just… I’m scared of what she’ll think when she finds out I’m just another puffed-up peacock.”
22 September 2022
Ella had just finished scrubbing the chimneys at the Lester mansion - might be the nicest house in the city, apart from the palace, and no way was she gonna be allowed in there - so she was already humming herself a happy little tune. Then she caught sight of Kal, with his wild blonde hair and cocky little smile, and her heart floated right up to her head and burned her cheeks pink.
I have always loved fractured fairy tales. Or fairy tales in general, really. There is something about taking a well-known, often beloved story and tweaking it one way or another to create something new that fascinates me. As such, I’ve read a fair number of them, and I’ve kept ideas about them bouncing around in my head for quite some time.
This one came about while I was pondering the story of Cinderella. I’ve always wondered, why did the slipper only fit Cinderella? Shouldn’t shoe sizes be a thing? Most of the time that’s kind of glossed over or made irrelevant, but I’ve seen it played in interesting ways a number of times; magical shoes that won’t fit anyone but the designated wearer, Cinderella suffering from “baby foot disease”, or even the shoe itself actually being Cinderella’s cybernetic foot in Marissa Meyer’s fantastic Lunar Chronicles series (specifically the first volume, Cinder).
But I had the thought, what if the prince was manually swapping out shoes for ones that wouldn’t fit, using sleight of hand or something? That opens up a whole slew of new possibilities. How did the prince get so good at sleight of hand? Is the Cinderella he marries even the same one that dropped the shoe at the ball, or did he just use the hype to marry the girl he’d already fallen in love with?
Ella was very good at scrubbing chimneys. Most of the orphanage kids were good at some menial job or another; after all, they had to “earn their keep”, as Matron Birgit often reminded them.
She’d just finished a job at the Lester mansion - might be the nicest house in the city, apart from the palace, and no way was she gonna be allowed in there - so she was already humming herself a happy little tune. Then she caught sight of Kal, with his wild blonde hair and cocky little smile, and her heart floated right up to her head and burned her cheeks pink.
She vainly tried to scrub the soot off her face before she waved to Kal. “Heyo!”
He snapped his head to meet her gaze, and his smile got so wide it almost split his face. He sauntered over to her and leaned against a lamppost. “What brings you here?”
“Had a job at the Lester mansion. I think that might be the fanciest place I’ll ever set foot in!”
Kal laughed. “Nick anything while you were there?”
“No!” Ella pouted. “I’m not like you, I can’t just go around taking things.” she leveled a glare at Kal. “You shouldn’t either; one of these days, you’re going to get yourself caught.”
He raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright.” Then he grew thoughtful. “What about the beds? They must be soft.”
Ella looked away. “I… I thought about that one.”
“Hoh!” Kal’s eyes gleamed expectantly.
Her blush brightened to cherry red as she explained, “I, I couldn’t! We can’t all be rulebreakers like you. And, and… Their sheets were so white! I didn’t know you could even get fabric that white. And it felt like a shame to dirty it, especially when I thought about how much work their maids must do to get ‘em that way, and–”
Kal roared with laughter, and even when Ella puffed out her cheeks, the sound got her heart fluttering like a whole swarm of butterflies. “I got you something,” he said. He reached behind her ear, causing her whole face to turn its brightest shade of red yet, and pulled out a beautiful hairpin, with a white enamel lily,
Ella’s eyes widened, and she hesitated to touch it for fear of getting it dirty. “Did… did you steal this?” For me?, she added mentally.
“Nope. I’ve got an older sister who was getting rid of it, so I asked her if I could take it instead.
Ella knew he was lying; he had the same embarrassed half-smile he always got when he made stuff up about his family. Besides, only one of the peacocks could afford something like this. Still, it made her happy. “Thank you. It’s very pretty.”
“Of course. It needed to match you, after all.” He reached up to put it in her hair before she could even react to this compliment.
For a long moment, neither of them said anything. Then Ella brushed a lock of hair away from her face. “I should probably get back. If I’m gone too long, Matron Birgit will get upset. She’s been a lot more on edge recently.”
“Yeah. Uh, yeah.” Kal nervously scuffed his toe. “I, uh… I’ll see you again soon, then?”
Ella nodded and began to leave, and gave him a small wave goodbye before she scurried off. She skipped the whole way home.
Prince Caspir Leonard Dutchins IV, fourth child and third son of King Edward and Queen Alisonde, practically danced his way to his older sister Serafina’s room. He gave a quick knock, and as soon as he heard her call “Enter”, he strode in.
Serafina took one look at his goofy grin and went back to fussing with her hair. “It went well, I take it?”
Caspir gave her an exaggerated bow. “Thank you, dear sister, for your generosity. She loved it.”
“You know, you’re going to have to let us know who she is at some point, right? Rumors are spreading, and Mother is getting curious.” She gave him a sly smile. “Also, I kind of want to meet this girl.”
Caspir grimaced, and watched her for a moment. “Is there something going on tonight?”
The deadpan look Serafina gave im could have frozen a volcano. “Jonathan’s engagement ceremony?”
“Wait, that’s tonight?!”
Serafina nodded gravely.
“Crap, Theodore is going to kill me.” He bolted out of the room as he called out, “Thank you again, sister!”
Serafina could only shake her head.